By JJ - The Otternative Educator
There are moments in parenting that feel like a slow-motion car crash.
Your kid is melting down.
You’re also melting down.
No one knows where the pencils are.
The noise is unbearable.
And the dog just threw up on the carpet for dramatic effect.
This is what we call emotional ping pong — when your dysregulated kid triggers your dysregulated brain, and suddenly you’re both in survival mode, bouncing frustration and panic back and forth like it's Wimbledon for the emotionally unwell.
And when you both have ADHD or sensory sensitivities?
This happens a lot.
So, how do you stop the spiral when you’re spiraling with them?
Let’s talk survival tactics, nervous system CPR, and giving yourself permission to walk away for three minutes without guilt.
🚨 Recognising the Ping Pong Spiral in Real Time
You know you’re in it when:
You’re both yelling and can’t remember what you were even fighting about
You feel physically overstimulated (noise, mess, movement = internal screaming)
Every question feels like an attack
Your kid’s emotions feel contagious and your logic is gone
You want to cry, fight, or climb inside a cupboard
Sound familiar? That’s not you being dramatic.
That’s nervous system overload.
Both of you are flooded. Your brains are offline.
Nothing productive happens from here.
🛑 Step 1: Interrupt the Loop — Not the Child
Before you try to fix it, pause the escalation.
This doesn’t mean shutting them down — it means changing the energy in the room.
Some ways I’ve done this:
Whisper instead of yell (it confuses the chaos long enough to reset)
Sit on the floor (physical cue to slow down)
Say out loud, “Whoa, we’re both spiraling — let’s pause.”
Fling a fidget across the room and say, “Okay, THAT was my emotion. Now I’m going to breathe.”
It’s not about controlling them.
It’s about disrupting the runaway train before it flies off the tracks with both of you on it.
🌪️ Step 2: Co-Regulate, Don’t Dominate
ADHD brains often struggle with emotional regulation. We get loud. Fast.
So do our kids. And trying to out-regulate them while you’re internally vibrating is just asking for war.
Instead, try co-regulating:
Sit near them without talking
Offer a cold drink or snack (yes, sensory reset via juice box)
Do a slow, grounding task together (stack blocks, color, fold towels)
Use phrases like:
“You’re not in trouble, you’re overwhelmed.”
“We’re both feeling big stuff right now.”
“Let’s get through this together.”
Be the safe harbour — even if you feel like a leaky canoe.
🧃 Step 3: Prioritise Physical Reset Before Talking
Talking logic to a flooded brain is like trying to install IKEA furniture mid-earthquake.
Before you try to explain, teach, or debrief:
Get everyone hydrated
Dim the lights
Change location (step outside, sit in a different room)
Use motion (walk, bounce, sway)
Once the nervous system starts to settle, then you can process what actually happened.
Or not. Honestly, sometimes the win is just everyone calm and not crying anymore.
🧠Step 4: Build In Post-Spiral Repair — For Both of You
You don’t need to punish, lecture, or dissect the spiral immediately.
What you do need is repair.
This could look like:
“That got intense. I love you. We can always try again.”
“Hey, I was overstimulated too — let’s make a plan for next time.”
“What helped you calm down? What didn’t help?”
Snuggling on the couch while watching a show and silently forgiving each other
Kids need to learn that emotional dysregulation isn’t shameful.
And so do we.
💡 Quick De-Escalation Kit (a.k.a. JJ’s Meltdown Toolkit)
Noise-canceling headphones
Sensory toys in a box (even for you)
Ice water + protein snack
Weighted blanket or big hoodie
A shared code word like “reset” or “time out”
A plan for you to walk away before you say something you regret
💬 Final Word From the Eye of the Emotional Storm
There’s no award for holding it all together perfectly.
There is power in saying, “We’re both overwhelmed — let’s pause and reset.”
You’re not a bad parent because you spiral.
You’re a human, raising another human, and your nervous systems are out here just doing their glitchy best.
Celebrate the bounce-backs.
Apologise with love.
And don’t forget to include yourself in the emotional recovery plan.
Because regulating kids is important —
But regulating yourself when you’re fried, frazzled, and full of feelings?
That’s elite-level parenting.
Even if you did it from under a weighted blanket with a juice box in hand.
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